Promoting Positive Relationships in Manchester
Support, Resources and Information.
What is Promoting Positive Relationships?
Conflict between parents is normal, but if exposure is frequent, intense, and poorly resolved, this can have a damaging impact on children, resulting in long-term mental health issues and emotional, social, and behavioural and academic problems as they grow up.
Parental/Relationship conflict can be reflected in a wide range of behaviours, from constructive (helpful) to destructive (harmful) behaviours. Harmful behaviours in a relationship which are frequent, intense, and poorly resolved can lead to a lack of respect and a lack of
resolution.
Behaviours such as shouting, becoming withdrawn or slamming doors can be
viewed as destructive.
Relationship distress is different from domestic abuse. This is because there is
not an imbalance of power, neither parent seeks to control the other, and neither parent is
fearful of the other.
How are we Reducing family conflict and Promoting Positive Relationships?
In Manchester City Council we are working with partner agencies to support families with promoting positive relationships, in doing this, we aim to support families earlier so the impact of conflict does not lead to lasting damage to children, young people and adults.
Why do we want to Promote Positive Relationships?
There is evidence to show that reducing conflict between parents is one of the most effective ways to reduce Mental Health problems in Children.
Exposure to frequent conflict between parents and carers is associated with a range of problems for children and young people.
Children and young people exposed to frequent, destructive conflict are more likely to:
Experience depression or Anxiety
Have Physical Health Problems
Do worse at school
Later in life it can affect:
Adult relationships
Psychological Wellbeing
Employment
For more information email katie.lees@manchester.gov.uk
– Promoting Positive Relationships Coordinator.
Information for Practitioners
There is strong evidence that conflict between parents, whether together or separated, can have a significant negative impact on children’s mental health and long-term life-chances.
Not all conflict is damaging, but where conflict is frequent, intense, and poorly resolved it can harm children’s outcomes.
The Reducing Parental Conflict (RPC) programme known as Promoting Positive Relationships in Manchester, this is funded by the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP). Manchester City Council is one of the local authorities across England to integrate services and approaches which address Relationship conflict into their local services for families.
You may find yourself working with families and wondering whether the behaviours you are seeing indicate harmful parental or relationship conflict or domestic abuse. The two are very different (although can look similar), and it is important that we are able to identify which is happening as how we respond will differ.
It is important to remember that that conflict and abuse can happen when parents are together and when they are separated.
Questions to consider if you are worried about potential domestic abuse
- Is one parent afraid of the other?
- Is there an imbalance of power?
- Is one parent using power to restrict the other’s relationship with family and friends?
- Or their ability to work and be financially independent?
- Is one parent using threatening behaviour?
Promoting Positive Relationships is aimed at conflict below the threshold of domestic abuse.
It is important that practitioners can distinguish between parental and relationship conflict and domestic abuse.
The Promoting Positive Relationship Programme looks at reducing conflict at an early intervention level and empowers all family members to gain insight into how harmful conflict affects children’s development.
Difference between harmful parental conflict and domestic abuse
- Does one parent constantly contact and harass the other?
- Are the arguments in any way physical?
Practice Guidance:
When working with a family, depending on your service and role, a restorative and collaborative approach should be employed such as strength-based conversations, assessments, and active listening to explore whether the parents, children and young people may be experiencing harmful relationship conflict or domestic violence and abuse.
Resources
The Promoting Positive Relationship programme is aimed at conflict below the threshold of domestic abuse. This means there is no physical violence and no coercive control being exerted by one parent over the other (particularly by one parent exploiting power imbalances between the couple).
Your District Early Help Hub.
South Early Help Hub, Tel No: 0161 234 1977 email: earlyhelpsouth@manchester.gov.uk
North Early Help Hub, Tel No: 0161 234 1973 email: earlyhelpnorth@manchester.gov.uk
Central Early Help Hub, Tel No: 0161 234 1975 email: earlyhelpcentral@manchester.gov.uk
What harmful parental conflict might look like
- Stuck arguments that recur frequently about the same topic including finances, how time is spent, and how domestic tasks are split.
- Limited ability by either parent to compromise.
- Conflict over contact arrangements for children.
- Parents having very different approaches to conflict meaning they find it hard to resolve issues.
- Children may be drawn into managing conflict.
Contacts:
For more information about Promoting Positive Relationships Please Contact – katie.lees@manchester.gov.uk
Partners we are working with to Promote Positive Relationships
Where can I go for support with conflict in my relationship?
Useful contacts for support for Domestic Abuse
A key point is that relationship conflict is very different to domestic abuse. No-one should ever make you feel threatened or unsafe; if this is the case there are many organisations and services that are there to support you.
In an emergency, always call the police on 999 (or 101 in a non-emergency).
How can I start a conversation about Relationship Conflict?
By having Strength Based Conversations about relationships, professionals are better placed to identify both destructive parental conflict and domestic abuse.
A good way to start conversations about relationships with families you are working with is to ask 3 key questions:
- how frequently are you arguing with your partner, co-parent or ther family members: daily, weekly, monthly?
- do you keep arguing about the same things or different things, and are arguments resolved well or not well?
- are your arguments intense, leaving feelings of high emotion: yes or no?
Information for Parents and Carers
What is Relationship Conflict?
Sometimes we will have arguments or disagree in our relationships, and sometimes conflict can increase to a level that’s not healthy for a family life.
Not all arguing and conflict is damaging, but when children see adults, parents, carers and loved ones argue often or ignore each other frequently, it can have a negative impact.
Did you know, this can impact on your child’s:
- Behaviour
- Mental and Physical Health
- Education
- Friendships and relationships
- Self-esteem and confidence
Arguing and conflict can also impact on adults, parents and carers lives too. Conflict can happen in all types of families, even if you are not living together.
What Might Cause Conflict in relationships?
Pretty much anything can cause conflict in a relationship or at home:
Money, Housing, Mental Health, Chores, Social Media and so much more.
How can I promote positive relationships?
There are many things we can do to reduce conflict, remember…. Arguing is not always bad news, it depends on the kind of arguing that is happening.
Destructive Conversations verses Constructive Conversations.
How do you respond in an argument?
Constructive conversations are healthier and helpful.
Constructive conversations can lead to disagreements or arguments being resolved in a positive manner, while destructive conversations can lead to negative feelings, feelings of frustration and more arguing.
There are many things we can do to help reduce conflict and arguing:
- Take time to talk with family members about what is concerning you, book a time in.
- Set ground rules for talking through ideas. Walking away, having a break is a good place to start.
- Know what triggers you. Think about what triggers a strong reaction from you being able to think clearly.
- Spend more time together – family time.
- Celebrate things you agree on and use this when you are talking in the future.
- Have a support network.
- Think and use your own coping strategies.
Do I need support?
Sometimes we might not feel like we need support, or that things will just sort themselves out in time. Sometimes, just talking things through with a trusted person, friend or family may help, but sometimes we do need that bit of extra support, and there is nothing wrong with asking for help.
Information for Children and Young People
What is Relationship Conflict?
Sometimes we will have arguments or disagree in our relationships and family life, and sometimes conflict can increase to a level that’s not healthy for a family life.
Not all arguing and conflict is damaging, but when we see adults, parents, carers and loved ones argue often or ignore each other frequently, it can have a negative impact.
Did you know, this can impact on your health in many ways such as:
- Behaviour
- Mental and Physical Health
- Education
- Friendships and relationships
- Self-esteem and confidence
Arguing and conflict can also impact on all members of the family too. Conflict can happen in all types of families, even if you are not living together.
How is it making you feel?
What Might Cause arguing at home and in relationships?
Pretty much anything can cause conflict in a relationship or at home:
- Social Media
- School
- Stress from friends
- Money
- Privacy
- Wanting more independence and so much more.
What can I do about this?
It’s not up to you to fix adults relationships. Feeling you want to help is natural.
Asking for help is not always easy, but if you feel comfortable you can speak with a trusted person, whether that is someone in school, clubs, family friend or any other trusted person. You can also contact and ask for support from other services you may already access, such as a MThrive support worker.
Where can I get help to promote positive relationships?
(See MThrive services link – Services we would signpost too are also on your link****)